My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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