I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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