I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
