I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Randomize
