He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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