I met the friendliest cop last night
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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