Do you still have your period?
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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