Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
