She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
