So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
