I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Randomize
