yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
