You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
