there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
