I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
