I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
they call him Oral-B. enough said
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
