I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
