Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
