you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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