yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
