I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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