just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
