The maid of honor just puked.
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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