if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
