I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
