arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
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