I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
the raccoons are back...
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