It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
