Your mouth is God's brothel.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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