only if we run a train.
done.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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