I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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