remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
