Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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