i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
