Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
