The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
