so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
