i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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