I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
