there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
