..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize
