She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
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