Fine. I'll sleep in my office
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
