i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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