Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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