I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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