someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
