you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
