So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
