So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
