i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
