she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
